I used to be a writer

Decades have passed since I wrote everyday. The passion to write arrived when I was a child and by the time I hit 13 it was in full swing. However, I was the only kid I knew that wrote poetry. I slept with a note pad and pencil by my bed and would often wake up in the middle of the night and write an entire poem. Some were silly rhyming ditties and others were polished and meaningful. All of them reflected my heart. These feelings fit into a stationary box about 11 x 8.5  x 3 in size, hundreds of them. That is until I was in college.

Image result for pencil and paper

In college my English professor was enamored with my writing; my poetry from simple and happy to complex and tragic, a few very short stories as well as the 2 novels I had written. He thought I should publish a book of poetry but I was insecure about anyone reading them except this professor who loved poetry. Funny that I cannot remember his name but then, it has been a long time.

After a bit of time, white dresses and wedding bells took over my thoughts and time then after the I Dos, my box and I moved in with my new mate and I began to write again. I also began learning lessons, gathering scars. Are you writing again? That’s a waste of time, you’ll never do anything with it. Why do you need this box? That is so dumb.

The little box was now inside a larger box that barely fit under my side of the bed. It did take up room and seemed to be an irritant and so I wrote when he wasn’t home which wasn’t very often. my box opened fewer and fewer times to accept new words, sad words. Until one day I closed my box and slid it all the way under my side of the bed.

We had three kids and they were a joy but the notepad on the side of my bed was to remember to buy a birthday present for a birthday party one of the children would be attending or a note to buy milk. Occasionally a poem would start up in my head and I would squash it. Stupid thought! That’s a waste of time!

I went on to more schooling, taught the Gospel to many, shared words to uplift people and counseled them in healthy avenues in life, wrote and taught for years for my job. Yet at times, I found my solace in a movie called Sister Act II. There is a part in that movie where Sister Mary Clarence is talking to Rita and shares a quote out of a book with her. Basically saying if you wake up in the morning and all you can think of is writing, then you’re supposed to be a writer.  Watch it here

Zip forward 30 years or so; Divorced, remarried, retired and at a new job at a high school. I meet a lady named Christi at my new job and she is not only a very smart person that seems to know everything happening at our school, teaches me the ropes and is very nice with a quick wit and oh my gosh, she is a writer too! (I  like to say she writes a laugh with some sass}. Sometimes, we take a few minutes during our day to talk writing. She and others like her understand what it means to put words on paper (or screen as it were). She is an inspiration to me.

Over the Christmas Holiday from school, I mentioned to hubby that I wanted to start blogging. He thought it was a great idea. It took me days to work up the guts to start typing. I have deleted some of my work hearing old voices as I type and delete. I know that my skills are very rusty, but if I don’t use them they won’t get better. I also have not yet figured out how to set aside the time to do this with a 2 year old grandchild at my knee. Then I wonder why people would want to read what I write? Even with all of that, I have decided that with a wonderful, supportive husband, children and writer friends, I will figure it out. I will engage the part of me that finds joy in writing. It hasn’t been regular or frequent but those parts of my heart and mind are being revived slowly.

That box got thrown away long ago in the midst of emotional abuse and self doubt. That won’t happen again. Not only am I surrounded by positive mature people who love me and encourage me, we all know that once you put something on the internet it’s there forever!

Today I am celebrating courage. Find your courage and do something you love. Allow yourself to use the gifts God gave you.

CWR,

Pastor Gran

 

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